May 21, 2016: no title

Why do I continue to let you torture me,
As if I’m nothing to you?
Is that what I am to you, nothing?
Just another thing to fill your empty soul with?
Without me, you’re nothing

A lot of things you do aren’t fair
But I let it to go because I care

Stomachs in knots
Mind is racing
Thoughts are polluting
Heart is crying
Eyes are worried
Body is being left in the dark

May 21, 2016: no title

I’m out here like a dog out of breath
From a long play date at the park
Drooling and gasping for air
How can I not feel like a fool?

You tell me I’m yours
Yet you act like I’m a stranger to you
You call me by my name
Yet you have no clue who I am

I’m knocking at your door
And you invite me into your home
But I’m still a visitor to you
There’s nothing familiar about this

How many times do I need to knock,
Before you give me away?

It’s as if I’m being stripped of my clothes
In front of an audience
Humiliated, and confused
Might as well take my heart out of my chest
And give it to you
Might be better off in hands
That are not my own

The hands that I have are full of aches & grievances
It’ll be easier to distract myself with someone else’s torment
So please take me out of this misery
By clasping my heart
And have it alleviate (ease) the pains of your past into a forever serenity

May 21, 2016: no title

It’s as if my heart and my mind repel
Like the two opposite ends of a magnet
There’s no middle, no beginning, no end
Just an area of fuz that doesn’t make sense
It’s not black, or white, or grey
It’s just a realm that cannot be put to terms

My hearts telling me to go
While my minds telling me to stop
It’s a game of red light, green light
With no yellow light to slow down

Staggered living is all I know now
Nothing’s steady, nothing’s constant, nothing’s stable
No matter the effort
No matter the plea or the cry
No matter the step or the walk
It all ends the same
So what’s the point of trying anymore?

“You have arrived”
Where is that, exactly?
No matter how many steps are steered to the
left
It goes to the right
No matter how many steps are steered to the right
It goes to the left
(It’s like a fallen leaf dancing in the wind)

A broken compass is considered an antique
Or maybe it’s the traveler holding the compass
That needs a tinker

People don’t understand my desire for you
They don’t understand my passions
Oh how alone I feel
In a crowd of people who claim to be like minded

It’s okay to look back at the pain and sadness
As long as you don’t stay there
Just a glance to remind yourself
Where you came from
And where you no longer reside

Its not okay to dwell and torture yourself
Of the mistakes made
Because without those mistakes,
You wouldn’t be who you are today

Look back in confidence
Knowing that you grew from that experience,
That you know better

A lot of people wish they knew better
But,
how can you know better if you never learn from it first?

“Knowing better” always comes with a companion named mistake
You can always look back
And make a greater outcome

I found myself walking without direction
Looking but not seeing
Wondering but not searching
Waiting and hoping for someone to see me,
Notice me,
Pinpoint me
SOMETHING

It felt as if my soul and my body
Screamed and squeezed out the obvious
But.. found it to be a conspiracy created by my mind
I was walking in a place where
Everyone claimed to have this love
This everlasting love yet
They did not use it
Where is this love that you so pridefully wear on your sleeve?
Or could this be confused with arrogance?
That you, yes you
The one who has all the answers
The one whom everyone looks up to
Turned your head away from the broken hearted
How can this be?

I found myself smiling in a crowd of people
When really all I wanted to do is cry

It’s so easy to feel alone with company
Almost as easy as fooling an audience into something you’re not

When you involve someone in your life, for whatever reason..
Whether it’s opening up to them from a struggle your having, or even simply just inviting them to having lunch with you..
You act upon that involvement.
Even if other people are already coming to the lunch.
If someone involves you, it’s because they need you and your support.
It’s as simple as that and it’s not rocket science.